Relationships and Money - Whether or not to Share Financial Assets with Your Spouse
When you are ready to commit to a relationship for the long-haul, should you merge your finances?
This is a question most long-term couples face at some point in their relationship. Moving in together might result in opening a joint account to pay for living expenses. Getting married or committing to life-partnership raises the question of whether to pool resources or keep savings and investments separate.
Pooling resources is the way things were traditionally done, but is it still appropriate? The way younger people approach both relationships and finances is changing, with Gen Z couples much less likely to merge their assets than previous generations.[1]
The “right” answer depends on one's lifestyle and values. One way or another, examining internalized assumptions and biases about gender and socio-economic status, articulating shared values and agreements, and engaging in practical planning for the future together are critical.
Personally, I’m a believer in women maintaining a good measure of financial autonomy. Women couldn’t even open their own bank accounts in the US until 1974. I see it as a part of my identity as a feminist to be financially literate and independent, no matter what my tax filing status is.[2]
But my position is complicated by the fact that there is compelling evidence from recent research suggesting that couples who pool 100% of their finances are happier in their relationships and less likely to break up than couples who keep some or all of their finances separate. The authors of one study argue that the act of pooling finances leads to a greater sense of “togetherness,” and this feeling of shared identity and goals contributes to couples’ satisfaction and longevity.[3]
This raises some interesting questions. What habits do couples with merged finances have that lead to stronger relationships? Can these habits be intentionally adopted by couples without merged finances? Can these relationship dynamics be replicated by those of us who don’t want to choose between financial autonomy and successful life-partnership?
One reason couples who combine resources may be happier is that they are more likely to talk about how big life events, such as becoming parents, will impact them financially, and that they set goals for how to overcome obstacles together.
Couples who pool 100% of their wealth demonstrate increased frequency and quality of communication about money matters in daily life. This seems to lead to a stronger sense of shared purpose, and all of these things contribute to their happiness.[4]
This makes sense: The more couples communicate about challenging topics and envision what their future could look like together, the less likely they are to be blindsided by divergent values or unpleasant surprises.
Working as a team to achieve shared goals (whether or not you choose to combine your investments) is likely to increase your sense of closeness with your partner and build trust that you can rely on each other and have each other's best interests at heart.
Yet one thing that isn’t addressed by the recent studies, and a reason I’m a proponent of financial autonomy—especially for women and queer people—is that pooling resources can be severely detrimental to people who find themselves in abusive relationships. Unfortunately this is much more common than we’d like to think, and since abusive dynamics often develop over time, some people may become financially entangled before they realize their relationship is not healthy.
Economic abuse, which includes restricting a partner’s access to financial resources or employment opportunities, is present in 99% of domestic violence cases and is the number one reason women choose to stay with an abuser.[5]
Keeping all money in joint accounts can make it easier for abusers to control their partners and prevent them from seeking help.[6] Considering that one quarter of women, 1 in 7 men, and around half of non-binary and trans people in the US experience domestic violence at some point in their life, this seems to be something everyone should consider seriously before combining assets with a partner.
Even if you are in a happy and healthy relationship, you, like me, may simply hold financial independence as a core value. And that’s fine.
Whether you decide to pool your investments or not, intentionality, transparency, and a commitment to communicating openly and honestly about money are critical. Scheduling regular appointments to discuss finances, examining internalized sexism and how it relates to economic roles, and talking with your partner about how you imagine your future together, are likely to make you more successful as a couple, both emotionally and financially.
This material is intended for education purposes only. LongView Asset Management, LLC (referred to as "LongView") does not warrant that the provided information will be free from error. None of the information provided is intended as investment, tax, accounting or legal advice, as an offer or solicitation of an offer to buy or sell, or as an endorsement of any company, security, fund, or other securities or non-securities offering. This information should not be relied upon for transacting securities or other investments. Under no circumstances shall LongView be liable for any direct, indirect, special or consequential damages that result from the use of, or the inability to use, the materials provided. In no event shall LongView Asset Management, LLC have any liability to you for damages, losses, and causes of action for accessing this commentary. Past performance is not indicative of future results. This content not reviewed by FINRA.
Photo by Wu Jianxiong on Unsplash.
[1] http://cnbc.com/2025/01/27/62percent-of-couples-keep-at-least-some-money-separate-from-each-other-survey.html#:~:text=Of%20those%20couples%2C%2038%25%20rely%20exclusively%20on,some%20separation%20for%20their%20money%2C%20Bankrate%20found.
[2] https://lanterncredit.com/banking/when-could-women-open-a-bank-account
[3] https://news.cornell.edu/stories/2022/03/can-combining-finances-lead-long-lasting-love
[4] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/02654075241312690
[5] https://cfs.wisc.edu/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/adams2011.pdf; https://www.pcadv.org/financial-abuse/#:~:text=Financial%20abuse%20occurs%20in%2098,or%20return%20to%20abusive%20relationships.
[6] https://www.disruptionbanking.com/2025/04/09/do-joint-bank-accounts-increase-the-risk-of-financial-abuse/#:~:text=While%20Joint%20bank%20accounts%20in,of%20independence%20from%20their%20partners.